Thursday, September 18, 2014

SMALL minds speak alike....





Nothing uplifting to report today...my X is still in the hospital although he is ready to be released we are wading through miles of red tape to find a permanent solution for him...
Its a very difficult decision to be making, Its not my call so at least I can hide some feelings behind that knowledge ---doesn't make it any easier to accept tho!! IF you are thinking you may need long term care do yourself a favor and prepare for it..study medicaid rules and law now so you know what to expect if you don't have                                                         LTC insurance.

So here is what happened today my nerves are raw I'm stressed, I don't sleep well these days so I'm grumpy 24/7--- recall that line You wouldn't like me when I'm angry?? Anyways...go over to the X's apartment to get some of his things to take to him tomorrow.......here comes some of his nosy neighbors...one chimes up

HER= "how is he, we heard he died,  at the McDonald's Coffee Club all they do is talk about him."
ME= "he is improving, eating well now, and getting stronger."
HER= "and....  I heard gossip about you, you're his X wife, a couple who visited said you were feeding him when the sign over the bed said Nothing BY Mouth." 
ME=" Well what they didn't know is I was allowed to feed him they did not take down the sign....and did  you know what goes around comes around for people who gossip?"
Her face turned red, she excused herself..

That comment bothered me all day..I wish I could figure out Turn the OTHER CHEEK 
it's not the comment  I made  that bothered me....it's the one SHE made...
I knew the couple she was speaking of, they had come to visit with big smiles and apparently flapping mouths...so I tried all day to recall that couple's name..and 
Bingo it finally came into my mind...

So I looked them up in the small town phone book, there they are...I dialed...and I inquired are you the couple who visited ..yada yada,,,,

YES that was Us, she almost foamed with glee---

ME= Okay great well I wanted to tell you I ran into a friend of yours today and she shared some gossip with me!
HER= Really?
ME= Yes she did...she told me how you were sharing your visit to my X's bedside with the coffee club, making it sound as if I was injuring my X by feeding him..when a sign on the wall said Nothing by Mouth..
HER= She stammered..
I continued..
ME= Gossip is hurtful, its hateful and it can come right back to bite you...the gossip you were spreading got right back to me, and now I'm getting right back to you to let you know how I feel about it.... amazing how it comes back around!
HER="what I said was taken wrong, I'm sure"
ME= "no she was quite clear on what was said and who said it..'
HER= "I would never intentionally hurt someone with gossip"
ME= Really, well you did just that, and don't forget when you're the one who is NOT there it's probably YOU they will gossip about next..and by the way....you have my permission to tell all at the McDonald's Coffee Club, that I will personally call each and everyone of them whose gossip gets back to me if it is about me...I wont gossip behind a back I will come right up front and tell you how I feel about petty pointless gossip and the people who spread it right to your face!!

Do you think I over reacted?? I felt better when I hung up!!!


PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Cobwebs and Squeaky Wheels

Well that's been me, while I've been at the bedside of my X--he has good days and some very bad ones where they have him tied to the bed, and with wrists in restraints, all his IV's pulled out blood all over him, his eyes look wild and he doesn't know anyone and he is seeing things in the room that aren't there and then he breaks into tears...and he sobs.  He told me he is sorry for all this he looks around the room...then suddenly he smiles, "do you see all those rabbits, thousands of them." 

His mind is tortured...my heart is breaking.  I suggest everything and anything that will make him come coherent, he recognizes me but he can't quite recall our relationship one minute he is calling me by name but then he will tell others I am his sister...no matter



...so he didn't eat for 11 days----I haven't slept for what seems like the same... every bite of food I take makes me feel guilty..they wrestled him down put a feeding tube in him he pulled it out...they put one back he pulled it out...they said radiology would put in a smaller one..

I pray every night and see him in my mind's eye eating...next day I demand either place a tube or feed him!! They try again, they fail he punches and bites the tech! Later that day....I fed him a dinner of mashed potatoes, with gravy, pureed carrots and pudding... AND he asked for bread!! They didn't give him any bread--- don't matter.  I hugged the same nurse I was yelling at earlier, and thanked her for not going off on me, and she thanked me for not losing it when I was so upset with her.  We are now in a truce...him, me, and them. We are all doing better today.

... he knew me when I came in, but he thought I was there to take him to the airport so he could visit his family in England..heck I don't care, I say, "I'm looking forward to meeting your family when we get there."

I do not have any say in this treatment we have been apart too long for that he has a Power of Attorney, his son from his first marriage...we are, so far, on the same page as to what should be done, although I think he should have had around the clock help instead he had only 12 hrs a week prior to this incident! 

When the lunch tray came he ate it all!! Thank you Lord for every bite...its a step toward a better place.  Come 5 or 6 he goes through Sundowner's its a very confused state they will have to restrain him again...I always leave before that, when Hyde comes out. 

How suddenly and subtle it comes...and goes
and 13 yrs ago I stood in Brooklyn NY and stared across the East River and watched 2,606 PEOPLE die in 2 buildings that collapsed...and I thought that was the worst day of my life...

PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

Friday, September 5, 2014

SEPTEMBER AGAIN!

Hard week for me and my family....y'all have seen me write about my X, and the divorce etc...we have not been together for 13 years.....anyway he has had a very bad incident this week and is in the hospital and having a very rough time...I have been sitting by his bed most of the week...I am praying and doing what I can to help.  
This was to be my free 2 weeks, mom went to sisters house..and I had all sorts of trips planned and its not gonna happen right now.  
There is no way I can leave this burden to my son he is trying to work and has home responsibilities too..so although it is awkward when x's friends come to see and they see me... they are a bit taken aback but I just smile and thank them for coming by...
I hope I can get away maybe in October.  On the way to a much needed 1/2 day midweek break...I spotted this old store building



on the road to Lake Marion and had a peaceful afternoon by the water's edge...my son and his dad enjoyed fishing this lake back when my son was still living with us at home...


So this brought back good memories of when we were still a family!  I enjoyed the wildlife drive too...


If you have seen the movie or read the book titled the "Notebook" then you have an idea of what we are dealing with....this area has some very tranquil spots to unwind and shake off the stress  like under this moss covered tree.



spotted a few young birds out in the heat of the day...like this wary eastern bluebird with his sweet spots..


He was curious about me, but keeping his distance....then an Immature summer tanager was thrashing a wasp to make it into a meal...


I sat here and enjoyed the sandwich I packed for my lunch...
then continued on...


large stands of these flowers attracted lots of blue grosbeaks ...here is a back-lighted female!


and the fall seeds are ready to fly..


on the backside of the drive this Lilly-pad pond had several common gallinules, or moorhens, if you prefer.  I didn't get any decent shots of the adults, but this one youngster was out walking on the pads..


I was actually able to get lost in watching these guys for an hour...it was a great break for my brain..

This vine must be quite old look how big it is wrapped around the length of this tree..


Kind of reminds me of life with all those twists and turns 
Its about 3 weeks till my birthday and the 1 year anniversary of the fall that changed my life...September has not been kind as of late..."if I can make it through December  September, everything is gonna be alright"


PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Sandhills Nat'l Wildlife Refuge --no labor at all!

2 posts in almost as many days? What's going on? Anyways yesterday we went to Sandhills NWLR.  We really are fortunate to have a state park and a wildlife refuge within a few miles of our home! It wasn't too hot so off we went--the hope was to see wildflowers and butterflies..we saw some of each a bit too early for the full force of the wildflowers and the butterflies seemed to be having tequila shots or something they were so buzzed they wouldn't sit still...but Mom has to pack today she is headed to my sisters for 2 weeks...so it was now or 2 weeks from now and we decided to do both What the heck!


the lillies are in bloom so little white dots along the edges of the ponds..the water was so warm...a footsoak was in order Mom sure enjoyed it--


Little shiners came to nibble at her toes..lol I was busy photographing the wildflowers weeds and such while she soaked...

 
                                   Tall Iron-Weed 


Joe Pye Weed
 

 

                                                       Eastern Kingbird

 

                                                           Button Bush really cute

  

imm. Broad-winged hawk?, sailed over...  

                                        


                                                            autumn sneeze-weed!

This was my favorite shot of the day!!


I always make a mistake trying to I'd dragonflies...this could be a Blue faced Meadow-hawk---i think

here's more of him..


more sightings included....


  

buckeye butterfly


                                                               eastern fence lizard female

Got a pretty good look at some blue grosbeaks and one posed for a somewhat distant photo..his breeding color fading a bit now to drab I am digging his big beak tho!

 

The water level was down meaning Waders --  I'm calling this an immature little blue? You got the green legs, and the dusty grey tips on the wings, and its the right size!


Just so you can see how vast the landscape is...


I caught a glimpse of an egret near the backside of one of the ponds...and then I saw she was not alone..



 Pretty far away but I think that is her this yrs chick with her and they are traveling with a domestic duck they def. were all 3 together! They moved around as one unit not getting too far from each other...sorry the whites are so blown out...I'm still trying to figure out this camera..I am NOT a fan of digital buttons!! I'd rather have analog for that--one button for F-stops one for SS, etc..the good ole days but the film I can do without...do love the digital format for that!  Anyways this is like the incredible journey...it was 2 dogs and a cat right? How cool is that??


Then we carried on into a different area of the park...stopped to check on a few other sites..


Mom looking for more wildlife...once in the forested area I spotted this...and please do convince me it is a willow flycatcher cause that would be a new lifer for me!

not great crisp shots as he was high up in the tree...but here is what I see: Un-remarkable eye-ring,  whitish throat, orangey color to the slender beak, has some pale wing bars, buffy-breast, notched tail, and that flycatcher hair-do!


I took several here is one more...


I put it on Ebird they will probably scream at me...but so be it!
Safe Travels on Labor Day!

PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Lunar Spell


 This was a drama free zone this week--the only drama I had was seeing Ken Jennings on Jeopardy --Again-- and seeing this on the INSIDE of the screen door--seems to be a lot of spiders around lately--creepy---


I went outside with my camera last night--I still don't have a complete handle on the settings of this Panasonic camera..but I was able to get a kinda cool Moon shot--
the big flat impression midway in my photo.....wonder what  this is?  Is it a mare (dead sea) a crater, or what? Have you ever studied the moon? Its spell binding to me!

http://www.scientificpsychic.com/etc/moonmap/moon-map.html


What do you think? Be safe this Labor Day!


PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Something Constructive!

It got a wee bit cooler here today! We had the AC off until 1 pm that was nice! Little by little it will cool, the leaves will fall, and it will be time to turn on the heat! Our open window "window" is pretty short!  While its nice out I was able to get one of those "planned upgrades" done to the DLEX ,,,now If  only I could afford the shocks, brakes, tune up, and tires------I finally realized what I need is not a good job but a HANDY man!! But till I sign up for Cougars R US let me show you a job I was able to do!!

Remember that light project I spoke of...like when I want my double doors to be open on my van and the back light is on...and I'm always afraid the battery will get run down..I found one in
                                                              drum roll please
                                             XXXXXXXX---WALMART---XXXXXXXX

WHERE ELSE? Dang I hate that-- but it was there right on the shelf for a couple bucks grabbed it up and SHEZAM put it in...as follows!   The old one is held in by 2 screws...fumble around and get those out--


  

Tug gently  on the wires till the point of attachment is found  like shown below.



Make sure the light is OFF I turned mine off by closing the door that has that little "thing" that when you shut the door it turns off the light..dont cut this wire with Power ON, if you have to disconnect the Positive side on the battery under the hood, then do that....! You could BLOW something or get hurt if you cut it with live power running to it!  Snip- Snip-


Here is the kit I chose it has a push button on/off switch which I can leave in on position and when I open or close the door it will come on...but when I'm camping and want both doors open I can push the button to OFF..it has a clear cover and its a bigger bulb...


here is some of the tools you will need!


You have to strip back some insulation off the wire to expose the copper...I used that electricians red..pliers on the left it has handy stripping notches you just close it on the wire and pull off the insulation.  Only strip about 3/8" off like so...


I wish I had thought of buying some CRIMP connectors but I didn't so I used some of these twist kind I had in the tool shed. (if you use crimp connectors you don't have to strip the wire you just insert wire in each end then squeeze it and it cuts thru the insulation and makes the connection, you can get them in the auto section) Connect white to white and black to black...then secure the connection with the nuts.  YOU could just use black electrical tape..Black is normally the Positive wire.  White is neutral--here is how I did mine.


At this point check your light make sure its working...Open the door to make the wire live, and push the button to turn on the light. It works so close the door again and turn off the light...


I put black electrical tape around those twist nuts to make sure they wont work off and push wire and nuts up in the hole inside the roof...


Now its time to put the attaching screws in...my headliner is on a board of some type so it accepts screws..


I love this magnetic screw holder on my cordless screwdriver...without it I could not hold this screw with my clumsy hands...


Mount all 4 screws keep it straight if you can...NOW I forgot to put that black gasket around my installation,..I did keep it to put in at a later time if it becomes a problem!  Since this is an inside installation I don't think it will be an issue.

 

Then put the cover in place and insert the 2 screws in it...and test it....ON


OFF --cool beans!!



...another thing I spoke of doing is when I removed the TV from the headroom area..I put up a piece of plywood that I glued some cloth too!  I found these 3 trash cans and I used them to make some storage containers.  In order to make it so the stuff I store doesn't slide out I put this netting purchased at Jo-Anne's around the top of each can like so....I used duct tape to hold it on..




and I have 3 of them!! Now its not a huge behemoth TV and I like the Celestial fabric and extra storage! And I can pull these cans out and put stuff in the top bin too as long as its not heavy stuff.


Pretty simple eh???


Another issue was this annoying wire that keeps falling down!! It scares Annie when she rides on the bench seat so I finally did something about that using some double sided tape...



Poked it up in there and put a nice big chunk of tape over it in a couple of spaces...and it worked!! (so far)


Out of Sight ---finally!!


Felt good to have some things go Smoothly and  it also felt good to be doing something constructive!!


PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.