I have spent a few nights browsing my old posts...tho jovial me who had all this expectation of a wonderful future is MIA
I see that somewhere along the line, I lost my mojo. This post is an introspective glace ...what's outside may look the same but what's inside is under construction..
dye to the changes to my life the past 18 months, all the loss of cherished loved ones, and my sweet Casey too, I live in an enormous vacuum...Someone said, "people don't like when you are in pain, because they feel obligated to comfort you, make you all right again" so we hide our emotions...we hide our feelings and we start to break down the path back to settled, we hold in our turmoil, and we change. The truth is there is no ever going back to normal, because it will never be the same. Death changes everything around you.
Common Gallinule and her chick
I tried to remind myself it's all part of life, the birth, the death...but then there's all that
in between stuff...the day to day life
Ok I wanna say "Stand Still" please...everyone just STOP moving so I can catch up...the me who does not wish to make eye contact with anyone, because you may see what's inside...
That's never coming so stop looking for it...Sometimes my inner child walks in front and pulls me along, she says, "don't keep your pain in let it out, let the tree hear your sobs and turn it into songs....let us sing".
... if I step off my little island could be something is waiting to devour what is left. I take my solace from Nature and I see the parallel of life inside and out, the metaphor...and then my inner child and I walk side by side for at least a while
we both are smiling as we sing. We are working through our soul sickness...And then another person approaches and asks, "how are you"? in a polite expected manner and even tho you're crying and fighting darkness inside you say, "I'm fine." Yeah Right...
So now I am singing I don't know all the words and my harmony is off, but it's a process of learning how to sing this new to me, lifesong.
I wonder how each of you are dealing with emotions that I know are buzzing around with the murder of George Floyd and the emotions stirred in people that forced them to do something...
I personally know I would have jumped that cop...I would either be dead or arrested but no way I'd stand there and watch that without doing something...these are the people who won't stand for this...it takes only ONE person to act then the others will follow. I think life is worth fighting for. I don't think possessions are worth a person's life, a fake $20,
four cops ??? And a murderer went home for 4 days!! And 3 who did nothing to stop that did too.
I get it...but don't tell one group to turn the other cheek whilst you encourage another to pluck out an eye.