Life is Just a Metaphor...
I have spent a few nights browsing my old posts...tho jovial me who had all this expectation of a wonderful future is MIA
I see that somewhere along the line, I lost my mojo. This post is an introspective glace ...what's outside may look the same but what's inside is under construction..
I have spent a few nights browsing my old posts...tho jovial me who had all this expectation of a wonderful future is MIA
I see that somewhere along the line, I lost my mojo. This post is an introspective glace ...what's outside may look the same but what's inside is under construction..
Mottled Duck
Tri Colored Heron
I get monthly calls from Grief Counselors...it's part of the Hospice Mom was assigned at the end...but to be honest if you really start to open up and express those feelings you get the expected response...sometimes it helps to put your grief into words and to get it out, you are not asking for a quick fix, you're simply saying I'M NOT OK, is that acceptable?
Willet
he shows me his beautiful wing pattern
dye to the changes to my life the past 18 months, all the loss of cherished loved ones, and my sweet Casey too, I live in an enormous vacuum...Someone said, "people don't like when you are in pain, because they feel obligated to comfort you, make you all right again" so we hide our emotions...we hide our feelings and we start to break down the path back to settled, we hold in our turmoil, and we change. The truth is there is no ever going back to normal, because it will never be the same. Death changes everything around you.
Snowy Egrets with their backs to the wind...
Sometimes this is me, with my back turned to the world and hunkered down against the next hurdle that I don't want to deal with.
A snowy Egret made of cotton candy...
Quiet trials to walk
Or I can walk with my emotions as part of me, part of my path the one I'm walking. Some where in our society we were taught to show happiness, joy, serenity, but we are not to show our misery, our pain, our tears, if we do then we need a pill or we need a therapists, or need to just "get a grip"....The Navajo have a song or a sing instead of prayers they sing for beauty and balance to return to them.
Wood Stork
Gull Billed Terns
So many to pick thru...
You ever tried to climb a ladder and just miss steps, hop to the next rung? Well it doesn't work that way..Emotions and feelings are like picking through a mixed flock of birds...trying to see which ones you can say with confidence, you know what it is... and there's ones you will never really clearly put a label on, (I don't know what this is)!
Snowy's, Greater and Lesser Yellowlegs, Dunlin,
Black Necked Stilt...
a beautiful Phlox that brings a broad smile to my face...
Common Gallinule and her chick
I tried to remind myself it's all part of life, the birth, the death...but then there's all that
in between stuff...the day to day life
play
The movement of this big Spanish Moss covered tree can explain more to you than I can about life it's the ability to sway in the wind, the bending without breaking, its standing strong one minute and weeping helplessly the next, and then it's being swept away...sometime it breaks and is no more...
play
I stood and watched this tree in movement for a long time, my Mom always said the trees sing, and this one sang loudly...beauty and harmony will return one day I will remember the smiles and the jingle of laughter, but for now the tears are the water needed to sprout that new place for me to exist in.
Ok I wanna say "Stand Still" please...everyone just STOP moving so I can catch up...the me who does not wish to make eye contact with anyone, because you may see what's inside...
play
Even in a crowd we stand alone, each one looking for what we need to grow...and until it is found we seek out quiet places where we can scream if we need to, where we can sob and it's okay or we can sing off key, we do not have to speak or explain, we only need to listen to our inner voice the one that says it's okay to feel this way...
Dunlin
A Cedar Waxwing and the Black Bellied Whistling Duck
Seeing these ducks took me back in time to a place when life for me was pretty darn good...inside and out and I think my mojo was close by...I may find it again, I may never, the point is I am no longer who I was, and I never will be again. See I was waiting to feel like I used to...and then suddenly it hit me...
Rosette Spoonbill
Boat-Tailed Grackle
That's never coming so stop looking for it...Sometimes my inner child walks in front and pulls me along, she says, "don't keep your pain in let it out, let the tree hear your sobs and turn it into songs....let us sing".
A place to be what I am
play
... if I step off my little island could be something is waiting to devour what is left. I take my solace from Nature and I see the parallel of life inside and out, the metaphor...and then my inner child and I walk side by side for at least a while
we both are smiling as we sing. We are working through our soul sickness...And then another person approaches and asks, "how are you"? in a polite expected manner and even tho you're crying and fighting darkness inside you say, "I'm fine." Yeah Right...
So now I am singing I don't know all the words and my harmony is off, but it's a process of learning how to sing this new to me, lifesong.
NOW THIS:
I wonder how each of you are dealing with emotions that I know are buzzing around with the murder of George Floyd and the emotions stirred in people that forced them to do something...
I personally know I would have jumped that cop...I would either be dead or arrested but no way I'd stand there and watch that without doing something...these are the people who won't stand for this...it takes only ONE person to act then the others will follow. I think life is worth fighting for. I don't think possessions are worth a person's life, a fake $20,
four cops ??? And a murderer went home for 4 days!! And 3 who did nothing to stop that did too.
I get it...but don't tell one group to turn the other cheek whilst you encourage another to pluck out an eye.
PEACE
... if I step off my little island could be something is waiting to devour what is left. I take my solace from Nature and I see the parallel of life inside and out, the metaphor...and then my inner child and I walk side by side for at least a while
we both are smiling as we sing. We are working through our soul sickness...And then another person approaches and asks, "how are you"? in a polite expected manner and even tho you're crying and fighting darkness inside you say, "I'm fine." Yeah Right...
So now I am singing I don't know all the words and my harmony is off, but it's a process of learning how to sing this new to me, lifesong.
NOW THIS:
I wonder how each of you are dealing with emotions that I know are buzzing around with the murder of George Floyd and the emotions stirred in people that forced them to do something...
I personally know I would have jumped that cop...I would either be dead or arrested but no way I'd stand there and watch that without doing something...these are the people who won't stand for this...it takes only ONE person to act then the others will follow. I think life is worth fighting for. I don't think possessions are worth a person's life, a fake $20,
four cops ??? And a murderer went home for 4 days!! And 3 who did nothing to stop that did too.
I get it...but don't tell one group to turn the other cheek whilst you encourage another to pluck out an eye.
----------please let your comments be about you, your emotions, and the issues I have raised ----------
PEACE
Every day is a new Adventure.
I have said this before when a cop or cops use brutality against a human that these jerks were bullies as children and now thing the badge gives them the right to be an even worse person. This was a total racist move and those other cops should have done something but just stand there. This makes them just as guilty. I don't think his charges are harsh enough its blanton first degree murder. I read a interview they did with someone who does events and he worked them as a security guard, whites were thrown out of the event if they got out of hand but African Americans were sprayed in the face and shoved and punched. The event person would no longer let him work for them. Now the little sissy is on suicide watch really tough guy. There are others coming forth with his actions towards African Americans. I understand the protesting and marches but this looting and burning has nothing to do with respecting George Floyd it is disrespectful to his memory. They hit our down town area last night after the the peaceful protesters left. This country has been turned upside down since 2016.
ReplyDeleteNow I bet your sorry you asked for an apinion. Sorry this has set me off really bad
BTW I loved you post. Maybe if you keep writing about your feeling you find your way to deal with life
ReplyDeleteHi Jo, and I appreciate very much your willingness to be open...and let some feeling out...that is the point of my post. We are NOT always OK and we find ways to make things better, simple ways or hard ways...I know AS time passes, things will change...but it may not be better it will be different. As for the riots I dont condone violence however I do understand WHY it is happening, emotions pent up for too long with only false hope of things changing. People are angry and rightly so, like I said I would have reacted I may not have been successful in helping George but I would have done SOMETHING! There were protests that did turn into something more in our capital and Charleston yesterday.
DeleteNature and the countryside has given you comfort and is helping you to deal with your feelings, plus the photography and DiY projects help too. Just a thought and it may be too simplistic but have you thought of getting another rescue dog or even a rescue horse..... and you know whats involved in training a youngish dog!!!
ReplyDeleteHI Dave and thank you for commenting, I am staying busy in fact Im behind in everything because Im out staying busy...but that does not make make the loss go away it's me trying to keep my mind on something else. I've already made the decision to not get more animals so if I am still able to up and go on a whim I can do it without worrying about my animals. I no longer have family here to help me out and honestly when I asked a friend to look after things when I took an extended trip she let me down and it was horrific! Fortunately I had my dogs with me. They are now 12 yrs old and Flossie has that torn ligament that healed but gives her a lot of mobility issues...Annie had arthritis in her front ankles, and she gets so sore if she over exerts herself...and Casey was not able to travel the last few months of his life so I swore I'd never get another dog but I have learned one thing Never Say Never. I have always loved and enjoyed having animals in my life!
DeleteI am quite sure that I am ill-equipped to comment on such matters as the mental state of another, and the last thing I want to try to be is a a counsellor on things I know nothing of. The older I get the more I have come to the simple realization that people live and people die. Nothing more, nothing less. The one constant is the natural world which has always been the most basic, and the most important, component of my life. I can become very angry at the way we treat the environment, I can fume at political decisions, I can rant about people who litter and pollute, but nature will ultimately take back what is hers. Surely the brief period of the Coronavirus has shown us that. In terms of pets, despite a life committed to and involved with nature, I have not had the desire to have domestic animals. As regards the recent horrific event in Minnesota, and others of course, one may be revolted, but surely one cannot feign surprise. This is a continuation of injustice that has gone on for centuries and continues unabated. And there seems to be a reluctance on the part of the public to vote for enlightened politicians with the will to make a difference. And when you had a man with vision, you replaced him with Donald Trump. It is woeful that in 2020, out of a population of 330 millions of people, voters will have to make a choice between Trump and Biden. Can the nation do no better?
ReplyDeleteHi David, and thank you for your comment...we each deal with our emotions in a way that works for us, I liked what you said "nature reclaims what is hers"
Deleteso true...
I don't understand why we have such a lack of good leadership in this country...when I saw that Mayor in Minn, speak up I said He would make a good candidate...yet immediately he was under attack and I think that is a big part of it, people have suggested to me I run for county council, I know there is no way I could hold my tongue it takes the right mindset with the right amount of self control..just use Trump as an example...he is a vile person who says what ever he wants to say and he has done major damage to not just race relations but now we are also divided right and left, black, and white...we are no longer the UNITED states. I know that Nov. is gonna be a boiling point!!
Hello Sondra,
ReplyDeleteI think it is good to cry, let your emotions out rather them keep them bottled in. I believe just writing down your feelings like this post or a journal helps to let it out. I loved my mother and father but we just were not as close as you were to your mother, they both passed 20-30 years ago. With each day, I hope you feel some peace and comfort. My prayers go out to the Floyd family, his death should have never happened. I think it is horrible that most of these protestors are from out of the area and just there to start more trouble. # 45 has to go, along with his cult of haters. I enjoyed every one of your photos and your heartfelt post. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care and stay safe! Enjoy your day, wishing you a happy new week!
With great respect, what in earth do you think thoughts and prayers do? Do you think it makes the slightest, most minute shred of difference? Please explain to me what it means for I have no idea.
DeleteHI Eileen, thank you for your words, I am doing the writing as I have always been a journal keeper,,,it does help me. I am taking the good with the bad, as it is all a part of this life. You stay safe, and peace to you.
Delete...and for David's reply, I am not a religious person but respecting another
Deletes belief and being able to allow them that right is part of tolerance of each others methods of getting through life. I've had people ask if they could pray for me, and I never say no for who am to say it is does not work, for them.
I still have no idea what thoughts and prayers are supposed to accomplish.
Deletein that case I can not explain it to you...life is not always about the receiver it's sometimes about the giver, a thought is sometimes just a gift of 5 seconds someone has put their minds eye on you, it's like would you see the importance in a moment of silence, taking a knee, of blowing a kiss? I'm more willing to get bent if someone says "I have nothing to say to you in your time of need."
DeleteThis is quite a thought provoking post (and a joy too with the photos/video), we are pushed towards bottling things up, dealing with it and moving on......too quickly in many cases. I remember as a teen waking up in the night about two years after my grandad died and just sobbing for a long time, missing him, because I had done just that.....bottled it up...
ReplyDeleteThe awful awful murder of George Floyd, along with all the others this has happened to is just horrific, I'll never know what it must feel like to be a black person facing this every day of their life, I sign petitions, call out racism from people in my life, make sure my daughter is educated...but it's not enough is it?
Hi Pam and thank you for sharing your feelings...as human beings we leave that most important of us out of our Social world...it such a mixed message. I think you are doing what is within your power to do that and voting in people who have empathy and are not afraid to show their feelings and emotions the ones that connect us a human beings.
DeleteI am also not OK , but I have so much less to not be OK about than you do. I am not OK with a racist misogynist “president”, nor with the people who voted for him. I am not oK with racist police who abuse their power, I am not OK with looters and vandals who ruined the protest marches of people who had every right to protest. There are more things I am not OK with. But as of this exact moment in time, I am not dealing also with deep personal mourning. It seems like too much for one person, though of course I know you are not the only one and we will all be there sometime (and have been before). But all that is of absolutely no help to you. You have chosen to be out in Nature and to remember happier times ... the only ways I know to deal with grief and to heal eventually ... on your own timeline. You are the only one who can ever know when that is. And no, it will never be exactly the same.
ReplyDeleteHi Sallie, thank you for being honest and open. I can't believe the things Trump said in his latest "speech" he wants to use our Army against our citizens...Nothing to say about bringing leaders together to fix the issues that we face as a Nation! He thinks this is a 99% problem not one of the top 1%...HE bailed out the economy, but bail out race relations NO Way!
DeleteMuch love to you for this amazingly honest post. It's been a struggle lately for sure, for me and everyone else who actually gives a shit. I don't let myself get too deep into it for too long as a sort of coping/survival strategy. Not sure it's working. Just when you think everything is as terrible as it's going to get you read trumps latest tweet and start vomiting all over again. As emotionally draining as it all has been I also know I don't know the half of it since I'm white. Trying to donate a little every day to a different organization that's fighting the good fights and signing all the petitions. It's not much but it's more than nothing.
ReplyDeleteHi Jen I completely agree if you can't be there help the ones who can...If November comes and he is still in the White House then I know all hope is lost...for how can anyone condone his way of thinking, turning the Army on US..the people It will be way more than 4 dead in OHIO if he does that...we need change and his bully ideas have given rise to the nastiest bottom feeders who have no intentions but to do more harm than good...Just as an example:
DeleteI watched a you tube where a farmer in Iowa is cleaning up an old shed...he found a family of raccoons living in the loft he trapped the raccoons, I thanked him for relocating the raccoons, and one other commented that I was delusional if I believed that. So my response to him was this
Your God n Country attitude is saying that I am delusional because I EXPECT someone to be Kind to Animals, and I expect them to do the right thing? That is what Trump has brought out of his followers, that doing the "wrong" thing is expected and accepted behavior. Both sides can and will do the wrong thing, when you're backed into a corner you come out with fangs, when you are understood and given the same right to live, you come to the table. Trump never once said Let us come to the table and TALK!