Sing the Song....

Life is Just a Metaphor... 

I have spent a few nights browsing my old posts...tho jovial me who had all this expectation of a wonderful future is MIA
I see that somewhere along the line, I lost my mojo.  This post is an introspective glace ...what's outside may look the same but what's inside is under construction..

Mottled Duck

Tri Colored Heron

  I get monthly calls from Grief Counselors...it's part of the Hospice Mom was assigned at the end...but to be honest if you really start to open up and express those feelings you get the expected response...sometimes it helps to put your grief into words and to get it out, you are not asking for a quick fix, you're simply saying I'M NOT OK, is that acceptable?

Willet

he shows me his beautiful wing pattern

dye to the changes to my life  the past 18 months,  all the loss of cherished loved ones, and my sweet Casey too, I live in an enormous vacuum...Someone said, "people don't like when you are in pain, because they feel obligated to comfort  you, make you all right again" so we hide our emotions...we hide our feelings and we start to break down the path back to settled,  we hold in our turmoil, and we change.  The truth is there is no ever going back to normal, because it will never be the same. Death changes everything around you. 

Snowy Egrets with their backs to the wind...

Sometimes this is me, with my back turned to the world and hunkered down against the next hurdle that I don't want to deal with.

A snowy Egret made of cotton candy...

When Im out in nature I feel good if I burst into tears no one is there to see me and feel bad for me,  so I just let it out and  that is helping me to accept what I can not control,  does that make sense to you?  I can go through my pain and not fell guilty for bringing someone down,  I can not bottle things up.   Im trying to get back to some sort of inner peace, one tear at a time...but to be honest It's a constant struggle.  I am holding the hand of my inner child while the  grown up me attempts to march on and be the strong one.  

Quiet trials to walk 

Or I can walk with my emotions as part of me, part of my path the one I'm walking.  Some where in our society we were taught to show happiness, joy, serenity, but we are not to show our misery, our pain, our tears, if we do then we need a pill or we need a therapists, or need to just "get a grip"....The Navajo have a song or a sing instead of prayers they sing for beauty and balance to return to them. 

Wood Stork

Gull Billed Terns

So many to pick thru...

You ever tried to climb a ladder and just miss steps, hop to the next rung? Well it doesn't work that way..Emotions and feelings are like picking through a mixed flock of birds...trying to see which ones you can say with confidence, you know what  it is... and there's ones you will never really clearly put a label on, (I don't know what this is)!

Snowy's, Greater and Lesser Yellowlegs, Dunlin, 

Black Necked Stilt...

 a beautiful Phlox that brings a broad smile to my face...

  Common Gallinule and her chick

I tried to remind myself it's all part of life, the birth, the death...but then there's all that
in between stuff...the day to day life

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The movement of this big Spanish Moss covered tree can explain more to you than I can about life it's the ability to sway in the wind, the bending without breaking, its standing strong one minute and weeping helplessly the next, and then it's being swept away...sometime it breaks and is no more...

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I stood and watched this tree in movement for a long time,  my Mom always said the trees sing, and this one sang loudly...beauty and harmony will return one day I will remember the  smiles and the  jingle of laughter, but for now the tears are the water needed to sprout that new place for me to exist in. 

Ok I wanna say "Stand Still" please...everyone just STOP moving so I can catch up...the me who does not wish to make eye contact with anyone, because you may see what's inside...

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Even in a crowd we stand alone, each one  looking for what we need to grow...and until it is found we seek out quiet places where we can scream if we need to, where we can sob and it's okay or we can sing  off key,  we do not have to speak or explain, we only need to listen to our inner voice the one that says it's okay to feel this way...

Dunlin

A Cedar Waxwing  and the Black Bellied Whistling Duck

Seeing these ducks took me back in time to a place when life for me was pretty darn good...inside and out and I think my mojo was close by...I may find it again, I may never, the point is I am no longer who I was, and I never will be again.  See I was waiting to feel like I used to...and then suddenly it hit me...

Rosette Spoonbill

 Boat-Tailed Grackle

That's never coming so stop looking for it...Sometimes my inner child walks in front and  pulls me along, she says, "don't keep your pain in let it out, let the tree hear your sobs and turn it into songs....let us sing". 

A place to be what I am

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... if I step off my little island could be something is waiting to devour what is left.   I take my solace from Nature and I see the parallel of life inside and out, the metaphor...and then my inner child and I walk side by side for at least a while
we both are smiling as we sing.  We are working through our soul sickness...And then another person approaches and asks, "how are you"? in a polite expected manner and even tho you're crying and fighting darkness inside you say, "I'm fine."   Yeah Right...

So now I am singing I don't know all the words and my harmony is off, but it's a process of learning how to sing this new to me, lifesong.  


NOW THIS:

I wonder how each of you are dealing with emotions that I know are buzzing around with the murder of George Floyd and the emotions stirred in people  that forced them to do something...

I personally know I would have  jumped that cop...I would either be dead or arrested but no way I'd stand there and watch that without doing something...these are the people who won't stand for this...it takes only ONE person to act then the others will follow.  I think life is worth fighting for.  I don't think possessions are worth a person's life, a fake $20, 
four cops ??? And a murderer went home for 4 days!! And 3 who did nothing to stop that did too.  

I get it...but don't tell one group to turn the other cheek whilst you encourage another to pluck out an eye.   

----------please let your comments be about you, your emotions,  and the issues I have raised ----------

PEACE

Every day is a new Adventure.

Sand in my shoes...

May 2nd  I took off and went to the beach! I didn't sit out in the sun or anything like that I was looking for birds as usual...and this was the very first day our State Parks were open again...it was rather crowded but I did manage to steer around most of the other people. 

             

Spotted some dolphin just off shore...was only able to get the fin...

I did a little shell looking it's hard to ignore the bits of stuff washed in by the tide,...I brought this coral one home...

                          

these cute little Sanderling were getting down out of the wind,  And you can see how they look in breeding plumage too..

NOTE: If you very carefully click the Play Arrow and dont hit any of the text around it, the video plays in this window...

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Lots of Semipalmated Plovers were there that day...

I took some walks on  boardwalks too...

I always like to see Red Winged Blackbirds...

Egrets had standing room only! Great and Snowy Egrets. 

Not as many gators were there as normal...I wonder what  happened to them? 

                                      

Saw Lesser and Greater Yellowlegs..

Lots of these jelly fish  on the shore...some birds pecked at them...they were not alive. 

Here is  a live one in action in the water...a Cannonball Jellyfish!  

Just to show you how small these Least Terns are! 

Had some Wilson's Plover in the shorebird nesting area...

I have a one mile hike in the sand to get to the jetty and the shorebird breeding area.  It's fenced for off limits but you can see a lot on the verges of it,   I sat down in the sand and had my lunch and watched the Black Skimmers fly by...

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Only one American Oystercatcher was around. 

That's about the time a Whimbrel decided to walk right into my picnic...LIFE BIRD as somehow they have always eluded me, even a non birder has seen a Whimbrel...now finally, so have I! 

Finally!  And he hung out with me all afternoon.

Plenty of Royal Tern

and Sandwich Tern 

more beach drift, Spider Crabs shells...

This Willet gives himself a good belly wash..

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A few Short Billed Dowitcher showed up 

along with some Black Bellied Plover in their breeding outfits!

Brown Pelican fly all around but I didn't see the huge flocks I normally see I figure they have an island offshore where they breed and that's probably where they were...

A female Painted Bunting was on the Feeder outside one of the Education Buildings that was not open, but I was happy to see they were refilling the feeders.




I enjoyed being at the beach,,,,I did not see many people taking the social distancing seriously.  I don't know how they think they are exempt?  I believe the Trump administration in the end will take up the "every man for himself" stand.  Since he hates all of the Democrats and encourages his base to be violent and to bully their way around...I imagine as the election gets closer he will do everything he can to stop a fair election, like he is already doing that by trying to stop the mail in voting.

I really hope people will realize how the crooked Republicans will try to  use the no shows at the voting booth in their favor, so put on your mask, your gloves, put a plastic trash bag over you cut a hole in for breathing just SHOW UP, if  you can't vote by mail.

They won't fight fair so let us all SHOW up to fight the right way, place your vote! We have a chance to get Lindsey Graham out of office here in SC...can you imagine how wonderful that would be!! OMG Jamie Harrison is running against him and he has MY VOTE.  He seems to be a decent man who has worked hard to help people of SC get a fair shot.
What a difference that would make, but let me tell you now it will take EVERY person who does NOT want Graham in office any long to show up to help, as I see Trump signs all over the place here..so don't take it lightly that he will he voted out...he will only be voted out if Everyone SHOWS up to do it.

PEACE

Every day is a new Adventure.