Cobwebs and Squeaky Wheels

Well that's been me, while I've been at the bedside of my X--he has good days and some very bad ones where they have him tied to the bed, and with wrists in restraints, all his IV's pulled out blood all over him, his eyes look wild and he doesn't know anyone and he is seeing things in the room that aren't there and then he breaks into tears...and he sobs.  He told me he is sorry for all this he looks around the room...then suddenly he smiles, "do you see all those rabbits, thousands of them." 

His mind is tortured...my heart is breaking.  I suggest everything and anything that will make him come coherent, he recognizes me but he can't quite recall our relationship one minute he is calling me by name but then he will tell others I am his sister...no matter

...so he didn't eat for 11 days----I haven't slept for what seems like the same... every bite of food I take makes me feel guilty..they wrestled him down put a feeding tube in him he pulled it out...they put one back he pulled it out...they said radiology would put in a smaller one..

I pray every night and see him in my mind's eye eating...next day I demand either place a tube or feed him!! They try again, they fail he punches and bites the tech! Later that day....I fed him a dinner of mashed potatoes, with gravy, pureed carrots and pudding... AND he asked for bread!! They didn't give him any bread--- don't matter.  I hugged the same nurse I was yelling at earlier, and thanked her for not going off on me, and she thanked me for not losing it when I was so upset with her.  We are now in a truce...him, me, and them. We are all doing better today.

... he knew me when I came in, but he thought I was there to take him to the airport so he could visit his family in England..heck I don't care, I say, "I'm looking forward to meeting your family when we get there."

I do not have any say in this treatment we have been apart too long for that he has a Power of Attorney, his son from his first marriage...we are, so far, on the same page as to what should be done, although I think he should have had around the clock help instead he had only 12 hrs a week prior to this incident! 

When the lunch tray came he ate it all!! Thank you Lord for every bite...its a step toward a better place.  Come 5 or 6 he goes through Sundowner's its a very confused state they will have to restrain him again...I always leave before that, when Hyde comes out. 

How suddenly and subtle it comes...and goes

and 13 yrs ago I stood in Brooklyn NY and stared across the East River and watched 2,606 PEOPLE die in 2 buildings that collapsed...and I thought that was the worst day of my life...

PEACE

Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.