At time of this writing, it's Monday and on top of that it's December and heading toward Christmas, a Christmas without Mom. She was not a big fan of Christmas when my son was little i did it, now I wish it would just go away... This year was one of loss, not just my Mom also 5 people from my blog roll!
I hope each of these bloggers families are handling their sorrow in a way that makes it bearable.
We did more clearing out of Mom's personal possessions, we found old letters from our Dad, little things we had made for her when we were children, and the most precious gift, a receipt. If any of you have read my book Before Life Got Complicated, you know we had little. At one point we lived in a wonderful old house on the grounds of Bramblewood Plantation. We all loved it there horses, dogs, cats, it was just on the outskirts of town and a great place to just be a kid.
It was owned by a wealthy lady who kept retired horses there and we kids took care of and rode those horses. Some of the happiest parts of all our lives were spent there. Only one issue...it was cold! Mom at this point in life was a widow she made little salary in fact I found one of her check stubs her bring home for that week had been $63. Imagine having to pay rent, keep up an automobile, and feed 3 children and yourself on that...So anyways most of the time we had NO heat in the house. An old oil burning radiator system was there but buying the oil was not always possible, so one Christmas my mom bought 3 electric blankets. She did not buy one for herself, We slept warm. Mine was the green of nature, big sis's was sky blue, and little sis's was yellow like banana pudding.
While going thru some old receipts I found one from Sears, and it was for 3 electric blankets, $44. Almost an entire weeks salary...
I have been extremely sad and fragile since finding that receipt.
There is a way now I'm waiting on the will. If you don't see blogs from me, you know I didn't find it.
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Mom Memory for this Post
This was taken in Tennessee on a trip we made back to visit our family there. I am guessing the year was about 1968. Mom was 44 yrs old here. This was the first car she alone purchased and owned it was a 1963 Plymouth Fury. My Dad had always done the car buying etc. He passed away in 1967. It had a push button gear shifter... She loved this car, we were so proud of her.
PEACE
Every day is a new Adventure.
Clearing and sorting after someone has passed on is very hard especially when you come across items like that receipt. But then that merely enhances your feelings towards your Mom.
ReplyDeleteLoosing friends when you're older is never easy, and we all know its going to happen but we just dont want it to.
Dave you are so right I knew it would be hard when Mom passed but it's like this homesickness that you can't feed...time will be the cure I know. Thank you for your comment.
DeleteOh Sandra, sending hugs and wishing I could do more. After everybody stops saying nice things and the news is old to everybody else, then that is the very hardest time. I am so sorry. Your mom was a brave, feisty and smart lady and that is a great thing . .... the electric blanket receipt story made me cry. I want to find your book you mention now, (p.s., not important, but in the late 60s, early 70s I drove a Plymouth with push button gear shift. Actually loved that car. I drove it pulling a full utility trailer when we moved from Eastern Washington to Oregon in 1971.with 3/4 of our kids aboard. Bill was driving a van filled with most of our belongings, one lucky kid got to ride shotgun with him. good times ))) (I hope someday they remember it as beautifully as you do your childhood.)
ReplyDeleteThat old push button was a great car Mom drove it to work, then when Big Sis got her license, Mom started riding with a carpool, and sis drove us to school..
DeleteIt is a great paradox that holidays and other commemorations designed to foster good times and create great memories, often have the opposite effect and cause us to reflect on sad times in our lives, especially if for one reason or another we are dealing with loss, as you are now. I have never been a big fan of Christmas and all the other synthetic celebrations, but one goes along with it. I wish you well, Sondra, but only you can know how best to cope with the issues you are facing.
ReplyDeleteFunny how that happens David, my Mom never enjoyed Christmas because she felt she could not live up to expectations, the thing was we had none, we just wanted her to smile and be happy that was the most important thing we could ask for. She overcame that feeling of not meeting up to expectations and I felt she was at Peace with all that, because she overcame all the poverty in the end.
DeleteI also had one of the cars, I traded a chair for it with a neighbor.
ReplyDeleteI still have feelings of loss for my dad and it has been 10yrs. It isn't as bad as it once was but I can think of things we did now with a smile instead of tears. Clearing out is so very hard,I was lucky I had lots of help and each of my kids took something that was a memory for them. I'm wishing you much strength through these these hard times.
Hi Jo, Thanks for your encouraging words, I can't at this point imagine the next 10 yrs with no mom..I guess we were so close she was more like a sister to me, it's hard poking into her private life, and I think once that is over things will be better for me, but the feeling of I want to go home even tho Im at home it gonna take a lifetime cause Home is where ever Mom is.
DeleteHello, I am not big on Christmas. I was when my son was younger. I do spend time thinking of all the people I have lost, who are not here this Christmas. They will always be missed. Your Mom was very brave, making sure her children were warm. I hope you have many happy memories too. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteHi Eileen, thanks for sharing that I don't feel quite like the only scrooge out here...lol
DeleteI know I will be okay, just this period of adjustment is up and down up and down. Yesterday I went on my first bird outing since she passed and for a few hours I was in the moment.
Clearing and sorting after someone has passed on is very hard, it's a little easier if you have other family members with you.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you at this difficult time.
All the best Jan
Hi Jan, and thank you kindly some days are easier than others when I can get outside and do my chores, bird, or just enjoy a walk it's much easier, rainy days are tough on me. This week was a good week.
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