Thursday, September 11, 2014

Cobwebs and Squeaky Wheels

Well that's been me, while I've been at the bedside of my X--he has good days and some very bad ones where they have him tied to the bed, and with wrists in restraints, all his IV's pulled out blood all over him, his eyes look wild and he doesn't know anyone and he is seeing things in the room that aren't there and then he breaks into tears...and he sobs.  He told me he is sorry for all this he looks around the room...then suddenly he smiles, "do you see all those rabbits, thousands of them." 

His mind is tortured...my heart is breaking.  I suggest everything and anything that will make him come coherent, he recognizes me but he can't quite recall our relationship one minute he is calling me by name but then he will tell others I am his sister...no matter



...so he didn't eat for 11 days----I haven't slept for what seems like the same... every bite of food I take makes me feel guilty..they wrestled him down put a feeding tube in him he pulled it out...they put one back he pulled it out...they said radiology would put in a smaller one..

I pray every night and see him in my mind's eye eating...next day I demand either place a tube or feed him!! They try again, they fail he punches and bites the tech! Later that day....I fed him a dinner of mashed potatoes, with gravy, pureed carrots and pudding... AND he asked for bread!! They didn't give him any bread--- don't matter.  I hugged the same nurse I was yelling at earlier, and thanked her for not going off on me, and she thanked me for not losing it when I was so upset with her.  We are now in a truce...him, me, and them. We are all doing better today.

... he knew me when I came in, but he thought I was there to take him to the airport so he could visit his family in England..heck I don't care, I say, "I'm looking forward to meeting your family when we get there."

I do not have any say in this treatment we have been apart too long for that he has a Power of Attorney, his son from his first marriage...we are, so far, on the same page as to what should be done, although I think he should have had around the clock help instead he had only 12 hrs a week prior to this incident! 

When the lunch tray came he ate it all!! Thank you Lord for every bite...its a step toward a better place.  Come 5 or 6 he goes through Sundowner's its a very confused state they will have to restrain him again...I always leave before that, when Hyde comes out. 

How suddenly and subtle it comes...and goes
and 13 yrs ago I stood in Brooklyn NY and stared across the East River and watched 2,606 PEOPLE die in 2 buildings that collapsed...and I thought that was the worst day of my life...

PEACE
Eleanor Roosevelt: You must do the thing you think you can not.

12 comments:

  1. I feel for you. I can't believe his son isn't doing more. Why isn't he getting more help for you and for the x. taking care of terminal was hard enough but at least it wasn't like this. Dad only had one bad episode and then went to hospice. I never left his side even there. But he was at peace with the world.
    I wish I could help you but I am praying for you and x that he may pass soon into that place of peace.

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    1. I hope he improves enough to at least go to a decent place where he wont be tied down....where people are allowed to be different and its okay..

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  2. My thoughts are with you Sondra.
    It must be so hard at the moment.

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    1. I was thinking of you Keith the other day...my X is a Brit you know...he has not been back for a visit since 1978...and now I dont guess he will get to go.

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  3. I can't imagine going through all that. I'm so sorry.

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    1. Thank you Barbara, today our son is visiting so I'm home relaxing and having a couple drinks to relax!

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  4. Aw I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through. Sending good thoughts out your way.

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    1. Thank you Jen keep those birds coming I always get a good escape when I read your blog.

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  5. I am so sorry. But Sondra, please don't feel guilty about taking care of yourself (eating resting...) .. You really need to do that -- won't do anybody any good if you make yourself sick. (I know your mom is away at the moment, so I thought I'd just step in and do her job ;>)!

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    1. I am relaxing today...had a nice veggie burger and now Im watching Sci-Fi and escaping reality for a while. I appreciate everyone's kind words, prayers, and thoughts.

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  6. Oh my dear, my heart goes out to you. Sending lots of hugs your way. xxoo

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